thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
