Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
