there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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