I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
