New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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