I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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