Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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