I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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