it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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