Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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