"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
