Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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