forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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