and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
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We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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