Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
