...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
