I'm going to rape someone's good day.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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