I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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