What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
