i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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