sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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