if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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