I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
