I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am midnight drunk by noon
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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