I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
