I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
