got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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