Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
