Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
