All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
