wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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