The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
