Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
