i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
