My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
