I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
