also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
