:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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