fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
