I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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