Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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