It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
