i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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