I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
