I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize