Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
