Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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