I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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