I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
