so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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