I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
