I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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