Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
