how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
