Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize