i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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