He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
