You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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