I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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