i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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