Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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